http://www.gentleparenting.co.
Another great definition is from Sarah Ockwell-Smith. She has a fantastic chart to look through below.
http://sarahockwell-smith.com/
I guess I should start from the beginning when Noah, now 3 was a lot younger. I don't want to say he's a difficult child but he certainly is a strong-willed little boy, always has been. When Noah was around 9 months old, his sleeping patterns were at their worst, waking every hour or so and like many 1st time moms you start doing a little research and reach out to other parents for help. Most of the “help” I received even from his pediatrician was to let him cry alone in his room. Reluctantly I bought into this so called help and tried it. I couldn't get past a few minutes without getting crazy anxiety and everything in me was telling me this wasn’t what either of us needed. Not to mention he puked within those couple minutes because he was so worked up. It was terrible and I promised him I'd never do that to him again.
That is when I found research on attachment parenting and gentle parenting. It was then I realized what our society was doing to our children, making them independent far before they're ready and just really the lack of understanding of what is going on in children. Noah got a little older and started having little tantrums here and there. My gut reaction sadly was to “gently” spank as if there was a way to gently spank a child. I always felt horrible for doing it! And you know what it never made a difference, in fact it usually made things worse. I remember reading this meme:
So lets say for example, that we're trying to leave the house for a doctor’s appointment but Noah doesn't want to stop and get dressed. Instead of just yelling, getting angry or possibly spanking to achieve the goal I want, I offer a choice. “Noah I know it’s really fun to play with her trucks but we need to get ready to leave the house. Would you like to put on your pants first or your shirt?” If he still continues playing, I count to 10 and let him know exactly what is going to happen when I get to 10. “Noah I'm going to count to 10 and then I need you to stop what you're doing and decide what piece of clothing you want to put on first.” As I count I remind him again what is going to happen. Usually this gets his attention and he listens without putting up a fight.
Another example might be Noah getting frustrated because a toy isn't working just the way he wants and he either throws something or hits. Again instead of yelling, possibly spanking or sending him to time out (something I've never had to do and won't ever do), I empathize with him. “Oh man! That’s a bummer your truck didn't stay on the path! It really hurts mommy when you hit. Remember that we don't hit in our house.” Or “When we throw things we could hurt a friend and that makes them sad. Show me how you can be gentle to your toy and let’s try again.”
Both of these examples are totally things that Noah has had tantrums over.
Through my research, I've found wonderful parenting authors like L.R. Knost, Janet Lansbury and Rebecca Eanes along with countless Facebook pages that I'll list at the bottom. I've also found part of my parenting tribe through the Gentle Parenting of WNY. Any parenting question I have, I'm sure to find a peaceful and respectful answer there. The group holds a book club that meets online every couple weeks. It's awesome!!! It's been a God-send because lets face it, sometimes it's not easy being gentle when you're sleep deprived and frustrated. And it's wonderful to have a group of like-minded mom friends.
Two other quotes that have stuck out to me over the years:
If we want to raise respectful human beings, we need to start respecting from an early age. Children are not less than us just because they are tiny individuals. Think about how you feel when you get yelled at by your spouse or maybe a sibling or boss. How do you feel in those moments? Now take those awful feelings and put them in the shoes of your small child. You are an adult and can regulate your emotions, children on the other are still growing and need help. Help them by being gentle. Help them by modeling. Love them, forgive them. I truly
believe that if we want a more peaceful world to live in, it needs to
start in our homes. If we want less violence, less hatred, less mental disease, etc it needs to start with how we raise the future generations. "Be the change you want to see in the world."-Mahatma Ghandi
Gentle Parenting FB pages:
1. https://m.facebook.com/
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Gentle Parenting of WNY
https://www.facebook.com/
