Live, Laugh, Love: 2015

Gentle parenting is defined by “parenting with empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries.” This is taken from:
http://www.gentleparenting.co.uk/about-gentleparenting/

Another great definition is from Sarah Ockwell-Smith. She has a fantastic chart to look through below.
http://sarahockwell-smith.com/2013/09/22/what-is-gentle-parenting-and-how-is-it-different-to-mainstream-parenting/

I guess I should start from the beginning when Noah, now 3 was a lot younger. I don't want to say he's a difficult child but he certainly is a strong-willed little boy, always has been. When Noah was around 9 months old, his sleeping patterns were at their worst, waking every hour or so and like many 1st time moms you start doing a little research and reach out to other parents for help. Most of the “help” I received even from his pediatrician was to let him cry alone in his room. Reluctantly I bought into this so called help and tried it. I couldn't get past a few minutes without getting crazy anxiety and everything in me was telling me this wasn’t what either of us needed. Not to mention he puked within those couple minutes because he was so worked up. It was terrible and I promised him I'd never do that to him again.

That is when I found research on attachment parenting and gentle parenting. It was then I realized what our society was doing to our children, making them independent far before they're ready and just really the lack of understanding of what is going on in children. Noah got a little older and started having little tantrums here and there. My gut reaction sadly was to “gently” spank as if there was a way to gently spank a child. I always felt horrible for doing it! And you know what it never made a difference, in fact it usually made things worse. I remember reading this meme:

And I was like a light bulb went off, it just made so much sense. I don’t know about you but every time I felt the need to spank it was usually out of anger and frustration (AKA: me not regulating my emotions). How was I supposed to teach my son to regulate his emotions when I couldn't even control mine? The answer is through gentle parenting; by empathizing, showing respect and understanding & by setting reasonable boundaries.

So lets say for example, that we're trying to leave the house for a doctor’s appointment but Noah doesn't want to stop and get dressed. Instead of just yelling, getting angry or possibly spanking to achieve the goal I want, I offer a choice. “Noah I know it’s really fun to play with her trucks but we need to get ready to leave the house. Would you like to put on your pants first or your shirt?” If he still continues playing, I count to 10 and let him know exactly what is going to happen when I get to 10. “Noah I'm going to count to 10 and then I need you to stop what you're doing and decide what piece of clothing you want to put on first.” As I count I remind him again what is going to happen. Usually this gets his attention and he listens without putting up a fight.

Another example might be Noah getting frustrated because a toy isn't working just the way he wants and he either throws something or hits. Again instead of yelling, possibly spanking or sending him to time out (something I've never had to do and won't ever do), I empathize with him. “Oh man! That’s a bummer your truck didn't stay on the path! It really hurts mommy when you hit. Remember that we don't hit in our house.” Or “When we throw things we could hurt a friend and that makes them sad. Show me how you can be gentle to your toy and let’s try again.”

Both of these examples are totally things that Noah has had tantrums over.

Through my research, I've found wonderful parenting authors like L.R. Knost, Janet Lansbury and Rebecca Eanes along with countless Facebook pages that I'll list at the bottom. I've also found part of my parenting tribe through the Gentle Parenting of WNY. Any parenting question I have, I'm sure to find a peaceful and respectful answer there. The group holds a book club that meets online every couple weeks. It's awesome!!! It's been a God-send because lets face it, sometimes it's not easy being gentle when you're sleep deprived and frustrated. And it's wonderful to have a group of like-minded mom friends.

Two other quotes that have stuck out to me over the years:

If we want to raise respectful human beings, we need to start respecting from an early age. Children are not less than us just because they are tiny individuals. Think about how you feel when you get yelled at by your spouse or maybe a sibling or boss. How do you feel in those moments? Now take those awful feelings and put them in the shoes of your small child. You are an adult and can regulate your emotions, children on the other are still growing and need help. Help them by being gentle. Help them by modeling. Love them, forgive them. I truly believe that if we want a more peaceful world to live in, it needs to start in our homes. If we want less violence, less hatred, less mental disease, etc it needs to start with how we raise the future generations. "Be the change you want to see in the world."-Mahatma Ghandi

So I've totally been slacking on writing little updates about the boys on the blog. I rarely have 2 minutes to myself so finding 30+ minutes to write is nearly impossible these days. That's just the way the Mom life goes though. Forgive me if this is long!

I'm slowly realizing and trying to cope with the fact that Noah will turn 3 in September. Kind of blows my mind actually. For some reason 3 seems so much older than 2 yet at the same time he's still my little boy who needs to nurse before he goes to bed and needs me to kisses boo-boos. Yes, he is still nursing a few times a day. Believe it or not the average weaning age is 4.2. It's natural and normal and I'm thankful that I have other mama friends still nursing their toddlers. On The Leaky B@@b's Instagram page the other day I read, "She is still little enough for a blankie, I'm ok with her needing mama milk too." Nursing is Noah's comfort, it's his safe place and it's a break from the chaos of every day life. Noah has been potty trained both day and night since March! I took a potty training class on the 3 day method and although it took Noah a little longer to get the hang of it, he is potty trained. We do still have accidents because he gets too busy and doesn't like to stop playing to go pee. And I have to watch for his non-verbal cues because he doesn't necessarily tell me he has to go. I still count this all as successful though! Noah is a talking so much these days and repeating everything. He can almost count to 20 (he gets excited and skips a few numbers after 10), say his ABC's and finds shapes in everything. He's also started talking in little sentences and comparing things like his trains and their colors. For example, "James is red. Victor is red. James and Victor are both red!" It's very exciting to watch! Noah has started saying "thank you, please, your welcome, bless you and I'm sorry" without me prompting. I haven't pushed him to start saying them, he just started modeling what I've been doing. Thank you gentle parenting!

Now onto Felix (Fe) who turned 9 months on the 18th! I can't believe my baby is so close to being 1! Ahhh! Seriously they grow up far too fast! He's 29.25in long although I feel like he is longer than that and weighs 20lbs 140z. Big boy!! Felix is crawling like crazy now, pulling himself up and successfully climbed the stairs at our little vaca in Rushford. He loves it! It's so crazy how different he is to Noah. Noah was walking at 9 months. I'm sure before I know it Felix will be walking all around. He's eating all sorts of foods, I'm doing more baby led weaning this time around and he's loving it. Fe also is saying "mama and dada" along with a bunch of baby jibberish. He can clap and wave and loves the camera! Felix is no where near sleeping through the night (sttn), just like his big brother was at 9 months. I know this is completely normal behavior but I can't help but be jealous of moms who have babies that actually sleep uninterrupted through every development stage. Noah didn't sttn until he was 21 months so I'm preparing myself for the same this go around although I'd be very grateful if it happened quicker. Currently up with him because he thinks it's party time. He gets crazy restless around 3am and the only thing that helps is letting him play for a bit and then he's back asleep a couple hours later. I've said it before and I'll say it again, thank goodness for coffee!

The boys absolutely adore one another! I sleep in the middle of them at night and come morning I have to move over so they can cuddle each other. It's so adorable!! If Felix falls down or tumbles over, Noah tries to pick him up. Not really ideal lol Noah's only got 10lbs on him. He'll lay down on the floor in front of Fe so that Felix will attack him. It's super funny! They love each other so much and I get to watch it every day. So thankful for them no matter how crazy they sometimes make me. Here are some pictures over the last 9 months.